omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
