my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
