I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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