Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
