I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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