You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
