i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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