piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
