If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
vagina is talking i cant
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
