billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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