Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
