Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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