new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
of course. lets lasso hookers.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
