i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
