Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
