I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
