There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just forgot I was standing up.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
