i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
