He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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