4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
