I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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