Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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