you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
