I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
