Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
