Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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