we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
