Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
