"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
