Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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