Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
