I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
