There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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