there's paper in my vomit.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
