He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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