i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
