so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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