I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Randomize
