You're my little dorito
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
