You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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