I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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