Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
