were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Sorry about my life...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
