If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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