Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
