I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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