I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
