I'm jealous of your bromance
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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