mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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