we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
