we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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