Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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